We pride ourselves on our standards of hygiene

and every housewife's cleanliness

yet how much of that is not for health

but rather 'civilised' squeamishness ?

Tweets 5

Enjoyment accompanies an event.

Satisfaction comes later.

 

The song before the singer

--------------------------------

Pub bands are better to listen and dance to

than top bands or, even worse, tribute bands.

They play the best of everyone's music

not just their own, ignoring the mediocre.

Rapist and muderer

------------------------

Does he deserve to be housed and fed

for several decades at public expense?

Of course not. He should be executed.

Why are we as a nation so bloody dense?

The drug war should be extended wider

for TV, brands and social media.

Coming soon, tickets at great expense,

a top band's visual effects show

(with accompanying background music).

The dew's on the grass.

The summer is past.

Where is the justice?

-------------------------

A murderer served 33 years of restricted life.

His two teenage victims lost between them

130 years of no life at all.

I certainly don't want penury

but equally don't crave luxury.

Blackberrying - a lesson for life.

-------------------------------------

It's always the biggest and juiciest berries

that fall in the brambles before you can pick them

Out On A Limb

-------------------

Diseased, decaying, putrid blued ?

Nothing unhealthy, just tatooed !

Olympic Medal Tally Positions

---------------------------

Over-rating just the gold

or over-rating total medals

surely could be better told

by using points for different colours -

3 for gold, then 2, then 1

with positions according to the sum.

Olympic  Anomaly

-----------------------

Tje losing semi-finalists in every sport

compete for one to win the bronze.

In every sport that is but one !

Why does boxing give a bronze

to both of those losers that fought ?

Olympic Hangover

-----------------------

We've banned from circusses

all animal performances

but the horsey coteries

still have their dressages.

A novelist builds houses.

A poet crafts jewels.

So what was so special that Freud discovered ?

That young boys fantasise fucking their mothers !

Male  Unmentionables

---------------------------

What is he thinking while she's sucking ?

What fantasising when he's fucking ?

None of us are perfect though

we try to do what we think we should

but recent sad events have shown

'religious' doesn't mean 'good'.

Does your garden need a makeover?

Just let our TV experts take over.

But keeping the attention of the audience

requires immediate impact hence

they haven't time to hoe and sow

and wait for various seeds to grow.

They have to buy their plants in pots

and spend a fortune getting lots

of bushes, trees and furniture

and you'll fund that expenditure.

You can put away your fork and spade

and any other tools you've made.

Instead they'll use saw, hammer and drill

with concrete, wood and stone to fill

your garden space with architecture

and then give you the standard lecture

on bringing the house into the garden.

And this is where I'd like to mention

that living outside is doubtful in summer,

impossible when the weather's grimmer.

For this is England not Miami -

warmth and shelter are necessary.

Tweets 4

Skin Tone Words:

white and black are far apart

but pale shades into dark.

History is more about egos than heroes.

The Miser

forgoes the pleasure of spending money

for the satisfaction of seeing it grow.

Neatness is a tempting siren

distracting from more important tasks.

BEST FRIENDS

You're never alone

with a mobile phone

MEN IN SHORTS

When less than forty

it's nice to look sporty.

Once well past forty

they crave to look sporty.

Reality isn't always what it seems

when haunted by the deja vu of dreams.

We think we choose the chores to do

but sometimes they jump out and ambush you.

Every day I work the fields and walk the hills

and every evening peer over the edge of the cliff.

Communist? Fascist? Doesn't matter

as long as he keeps to stay dictator

Growing flowers on an allotment

seems to me an admission of failure

Now that my hair has gone quite curly

I've grown a moustache to look less girly

Democracy is a great idea spoiled

by the vanity of politicians.

Fallen petals bright but fading,

luscious litter after aiding

summer's proper procreation.

Sadly cast down ostentation,

time discarding sated beauty -

damp detritus after duty.

(also applicable to flowers)

. . . and the overall winner is 'Gold Medal Reg'

once again showing the best fruit and veg.

Thank goodness at least he doesn't grow flowers

as even his weeds are better than ours.