A message from The God Father

This is the offer you can't refuse !

No upfront costs; just pay as you go.

You'll need two sponsors that you can't choose

and at the start they'll run the show.

But in due course you'll be the gaffer

though hopefully helped by a loving other

so to new starters you extend the offer  -

some eighty years of life's adventure.

Christmas and the barbarians

I guess the northern hemisphere pagans didn't like

those upstart Christians stealing their winter festival

but, for the gloomy serious newcomers to hike

something to brighten the dark was only sensible.

Now though the barbarians are taking it back

with tantalising orgies of indulgence,

exchanging presents of things we didn't lack

and decorative frippery in abundance.

Commerce doesn't bother about complaints

totally intent on finishing the heist

by Mammon's latest pantheon of saints

where Father Christmas outranks Jesus Christ.

Love is a new invention; sex is old.

Missionary position was a bold

un-natural perversion which controlled

grosser imagination and extolled

face to face coition as a mould

for mutual passion both to enfold.

W. H. R. Rivers

The natives thought the Christians strange

saying 'Let's all kneel and pray'

'cause the only reason they knelt down

was to fuck in a comfortable way.

Bonfire night.

The little boy in the pushchair waiting

for fireworks to start in the dark

took off his beanie and sent it sailing

over the damp and muddy grass.

His mother picked it up and returned it

to his head to keep him warm

but impatiently he spurned it

and threw it even further away.

Mum retrieved it, back in place,

but a third time the hat went flying.

This time she kept it to herslf

and told him off quite sharply to his face.

Mum went back to her friends in suits.

He kicked off his boots.

The green bin truck pulled up beside the house.

Two orange eco-warriors jumped out.

I passed one "Wow, not many women do your job."

She smiled. Walked on.

I passed the second operative, a man.

"It must be nice to have a woman around."

He smiled. "It is."

Leaving the local leisure centre

I recognised the male manager

from the time a year ago

he banned me from the gym and so

I didn't bother to say hello.

The crush of customers made us wait

a little while to pass the gate

but then he did something to astound -

outside the exit he bent down

and picked up a dog-end from the ground.