Christmas and the barbarians

I guess the northern hemisphere pagans didn't like

those upstart Christians stealing their winter festival

but, for the gloomy serious newcomers to hike

something to brighten the dark was only sensible.

Now though the barbarians are taking it back

with tantalising orgies of indulgence,

exchanging presents of things we didn't lack

and decorative frippery in abundance.

Commerce doesn't bother about complaints

totally intent on finishing the heist

by Mammon's latest pantheon of saints

where Father Christmas outranks Jesus Christ.

Love is a new invention; sex is old.

Missionary position was a bold

un-natural perversion which controlled

grosser imagination and extolled

face to face coition as a mould

for mutual passion both to enfold.

W. H. R. Rivers

The natives thought the Christians strange

saying 'Let's all kneel and pray'

'cause the only reason they knelt down

was to fuck in a comfortable way.

Tweets 20

TERMINAL  DIAGNOSIS

What do you do

when there's nothing to look forward to?

How do you cope

when there isn't any hope?

Materialistic, xenophobic,

narcissistic, senile.

Oh dear !

Carrying my vacuum cleaner

down the stairs I slipped and fell

badly bruising my lower back

and nearly right left knee as well.

ALLOTMENTS

The fruit trees they planted

last longer than the tenants.

A pleasant surprise  when I came downstairs -

some crocuses had flowered indoors.

Correction: a fallen sprig of plastic flowers.

CURRENT COMEDIANS

'. . . . his reputation as a wit was so well established . . . that it was sufficient for him to open his mouth and wink in order to produce a general guffaw . . .'

                                                                                   Leo Tolstoy  1855  ! !

Avenida Vieira Souto - Domingo

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It's hard to judge quite which are best

from displays of male and female breasts -

the boobs on the birds

or the pecs on the geeks

The Great Explorer

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If there's any way of doing somethig wrong

I will find it.

Bonfire night.

The little boy in the pushchair waiting

for fireworks to start in the dark

took off his beanie and sent it sailing

over the damp and muddy grass.

His mother picked it up and returned it

to his head to keep him warm

but impatiently he spurned it

and threw it even further away.

Mum retrieved it, back in place,

but a third time the hat went flying.

This time she kept it to herslf

and told him off quite sharply to his face.

Mum went back to her friends in suits.

He kicked off his boots.

The green bin truck pulled up beside the house.

Two orange eco-warriors jumped out.

I passed one "Wow, not many women do your job."

She smiled. Walked on.

I passed the second operative, a man.

"It must be nice to have a woman around."

He smiled. "It is."

Leaving the local leisure centre

I recognised the male manager

from the time a year ago

he banned me from the gym and so

I didn't bother to say hello.

The crush of customers made us wait

a little while to pass the gate

but then he did something to astound -

outside the exit he bent down

and picked up a dog-end from the ground.