I played all night, ignored the scatter-gun
approach of those around me, trusted in
the colours only and the stats displayed
which all the time were in my favour.
I didn't really think of it as fun
but rather just the challenge of trying to win,
to beat the nervous stress of being afraid
to lose as a lifelong frugal saver.
But I was losing badly. Just a run
of bad luck. It can't last. It will begin
to change. Schoolboy probability made
it sure. My confidence didn't waver.
Eventually though, some doubt began to rankle.
The rumble of the windowless casino seemed
the sound of turning wheels digesting money.
The croupier's 'No more bets' among the jangle
of competing voices could be deemed
a new and different meaning not so funny.
On the one discreet clock only the angle
of the hands proved time was passing. Cleaned
out again, the cashpoint closed me down.
Time to drive home. Outside, new daylight
filtered through the air. I drove too fast,
enraged at my stupidity in wasting
self denying, miserly hoarded cash.
Away from the city the sun was an angry boil
on the hills. Reaching the scarp I braked,
ready to descend, then stopped, amazed.
Below, the usual landscape had been flooded.
Only the tops of the tallest trees reached up
for help. The white lake below stretched
to the Weald in the distance. The surface
was tumbled as if boiling. The white fog
dissolved the red mist in my mind. I sat
quietly for a while considering Nature,
Science, Beauty, The Littleness Of My
Puny Life. Driving on again
I forgot the money, just glad to be alive.
